This is not my first blog rodeo.
In fact it’s not even my second blog rodeo.
It’s like- I don’t know 10th blog rodeo?
I just like the way blog rodeo sounds.
Now I’ve tried this before: Tumblr, Blogger, Livejournal, the list goes on. Hell I even tried just keeping a regular old journal; sorry secret journal readers it hasn’t been updated since 2006. But alas it was never meant to be.
I don’t know exactly what it is, because obviously there is a drive to write and to blog, but there’s something about keeping it up that I’ve had a problem with. Is it fear to commit? Or fear of ridicule? I know a large part of it is a personality problem, I’m just not good at sticking with stuff.
My parents bought me guitars, keyboards, learning software, books, art supplies, you name it. If I was interested in learning it, my parents were willing to purchase the means to make it happen. And I’d try for a couple months and then when progress slowed I’d give up and the piece would start to gather dust. After I realized my little brother was a better artist than I was simply because he spent more time doing it allowed me to see just how much work was going to have to go in to drawing before I worked at Disney (8 year olds have big dreams) so I stopped drawing on the regular and just picked up random stuff through the years. Now I paint, just not well and not regularly.
Blogs are just like that.
Except, maybe, my motivations have changed.
Before I was looking for recognition, follower count meant people agreed with me. I know now that’s a load of horseshit; both the follower count and the fact that people agree with me.
I think that’s what a lot of young people want, is just for someone to say “Yes your opinions are the same as mine” or “no your opinions are not the same as mine let’s argue until one of us changes our mind”. However, I feel, as you get older your opinions are less likely to change and you no longer look for validity from your peers, because, well- you don’t care. And that seems to be where I’m at.
I’m open to opinion changes, do not get me wrong and I’ve recently had a very big one, but I think I’m less likely to actually listen to someone coming in to my comment box with a “Well actually-” because I no longer have the time or the patience.
Before when I’d say this I feel I was just trying to convince myself, but there’s no more convincing left to do. I’m willing to listen if the response is legitimate, but as a facebook comment troll myself I know how to avoid the ones that aren’t.
So when it comes down to it, I have things to say, just like the other millions of bloggers out there and this is my current attempt at making something out of it.