Loser

I saw this meme again today and I like to share it.

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I apologize for the poor quality, but alas that’s the norm for internet memes these days. But the message stills stands.

I was lucky enough and unlucky enough to learn this lesson very early, because much like trying to run a blog I’ve failed at almost everything I’ve tried to do or become. Now I know lots of people can say that but I can tell you I’ve gotten a lot of participation awards and 2nd and 3rd places in my life and that didn’t change much up until very (and I mean within the last few years) recently.

Losing never feels good and when you consistently lose it starts to beat your self esteem to death. I had to force my young self to understand “You did everything you could, you did everything right, but they were just better”.

This particular lesson was especially hard when it came to deciding not to return to college. I spent 4 years or more at a community college attempting to become a teacher, only to quit two classes away from gaining my Associates in History. As it was getting closer to the end I was working two jobs and paying my own college fees. I didn’t understand about financial assistance and probably made too much money anyway (that’s right two minimum wages jobs that paid me peanuts and barely allowed me to pay my phone bill would bar me from getting financial aid). When I decided to take the summer off for the first time I had time to really look at myself and realized that although I had been working so hard for so long, maybe teaching and college just wasn’t for me. All the hard work that had gone in to maintaining that C average was for nothing.

It absolutely killed me to know that although I had spent all my early 20’s working my ass off I had been doing it for something I really didn’t even want to do. It beat me. The time, the money, the anxiety, the depression, everything that school gives and takes, beat me. Just a few years prior I almost let my highschool beat me too, but thanks to the worlds best brother and boyfriend I was able to kick it’s ass and move on with my life.

If I hadn’t I probably wouldn’t be working at the world best job, with the worlds best crew, I wouldn’t have the freedom to work on the things for myself. I don’t know what I’d be doing if I’d stayed in school and went to a University or a 4 year college, but I don’t think I would have ever even done anything with it and that’s the honest truth.

I don’t even like kids, who goes to school to teach when they can’t even deal with kids? Like how stupid was I?

Anyway take it from a loser, winning happens and when it does it’s awesome, but losing happens a lot more. Don’t let it stop you from giving it your all. Don’t let it stop you from working.

-Jess