Begging Myself To Understand

I’m usually a very understanding person.

I get why people can’t, couldn’t or wouldn’t do something and I accept their answer as truth.

But sometimes, too many disappointments can take a toll on a person and I’m at that point with a few very important people in my life. Because they always have an excuse; I’m looking for answers, not excuses.

But I’m a hypocrite (we all are) because I am the most chronically irresponsible person when it comes to making it somewhere on time. Hell there are some places I show up intentionally late to, I’m an asshole that’s common knowledge. But when it comes to doing something for someone or helping someone out I am on time dammit. I am not the kind of person to keep someone waiting (Unless it’s a creative endeavor then be prepared to wait MONTHS, because my friends I am the worst) because I absolutely hate to be kept waiting. If you swear you’re going to be somewhere at a certain time I expect you to be there or you’ll give yourself ample enough time to let me know that you can’t be. It’s what I do.

Now again I’m chronically ill so for me it can be difficult to give people more than a 30 minute window sometimes. My job is more than understanding and deals with the fact that sometimes I make it, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I make it half a day, sometimes I make it the full day and beyond. I am the last person who should ever lecture people about doing things on time!

Thus the title of this particular post. I’m trying to force myself to understand, to accept, that I can not control what other people do as much as damn well want to. The only thing I can control is myself and my impact on this world.

-Jess