Eating Well and The Bullshit I Tell Myself

I don’t like eating well, I don’t.

I can’t say who doesn’t, because I know so many people who see a bunch of carrots and start salivating like a horse on a hot July afternoon. But me? I just never got the taste for healthy eating. I’ve tried, please do not think I haven’t; it’s not like I’ve been sitting at home nibbling on broccoli and then washing them down with donuts. In fact I was a vegetarian for two years, the problem was forcing myself to eat the vegetables didn’t actually make me like them more- it made me like carbs more.

People tell me that I’m just not eating the vegetable right and my friends I have tried these vegetables more ways then there are to cook them and I still don’t like them. But this isn’t to say I don’t like any vegetables because that’s not true, there are quite a few I do like. Unfortunately you can’t have a bowl of pickles for breakfast (you could, but for god sakes brush your teeth).

I used to try and lie to myself, tell myself that if I eat enough of something for long enough I’ll acquire the taste. For others that totally works, for me all it did was make me sick all the time because I was eating something I hated.

I one time threw up as a kid because my mom forced me to eat carrots; she thought I was faking it, I really wished I was.

I can’t force myself to do anything anymore than anyone else can force me to do something. I’m not out of control nor am I in control I am simply free floating through the universe trying to grab on to anything solid.

I want to eat healthy, I’ve got stomach issues that would really benefit from a low fat, low carbohydrate diet and for the most part I’m pretty good at following that. The decisions are easy enough to make but making them isn’t something I’m able to do.

Anyway, I figured I’d type some of that out.

And if you’re wondering:

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No, Buffalo Bill I am a great big fat person jeeze you haven’t made a skin suit out of me yet.

-Jess